Social Anxiety

This post is written by Ahmad – one of the young people being mentored through our Aspire programme


Today I am writing about social anxiety, a common mental health issue among young people. In simple terms, social anxiety is a fear and nervousness of being evaluated or judged in a negative sense. Most young people like to hang out with friends and go out with mates, but with socially anxious youth, their fear of being judged can hold them back.

The thought process:
A socially anxious person may come across as shy, quiet, unfriendly, nervous, withdrawn and disinterested. But in reality, they will be going through a barrage of thoughts; Does my hair look ok? Should I talk to her/him? Are they talking about me? What are they thinking about me? What if I do something silly or say the wrong thing? These questions might seem illogical to you or me but they can take over a young person’s life.

Triggers/Symptoms:
What are the triggers? Being introduced to new people, a bit of teasing or criticism from someone, being the centre of attention, being tested or watched.

Some symptoms that an anxious person will have are obvious, such as blushing/sweating, shaking/trembling, having palpations and avoiding eye contact in conversations.

At other times, a person may be very anxious or nervous internally, thinking a 1000 thoughts, but don’t show anything externally.

How can you help?
There are few different ways you can help someone going through this. Accepting them as they are and being enduring, patient and kind even when the thoughts seem irrational. When someone is distressed, calmly assuring them that the feelings will pass.

  • Giving the young person room or space to express their fears. Listening to them without judging them. Being there for them.
  • Suggesting healthy distractions like a walk, reading a book or playing simple games.
  • Encouraging them to seek professional help if things are getting really difficult.

Mentoring Stories – 03

When asked to put a few thoughts together around why I became a mentor, a number of ideas came to mind that I would like to share. Having brought up three children as a single parent, two of whom are now at university and one will start A levels in September, I believed that the skills I had developed with my own children would be transferable in supporting others. In a world that is often harsh and challenging, there are environments where support and guidance are freely given. I believe that the education system, although it is far from perfect, is one of them and despite the struggles that many young people encounter whilst at school, I firmly believe that staying engaged in the education system in some way if possible is a good course of action. Holding on to this belief, I was delighted after a bit of googling to discover Starting Point, a Reading based charity who offer a number of different mentoring schemes. The Advance programme jumped out at me, as the focus here is so aligned to my personal beliefs in supporting young people from aged 11-19 to see the benefits of remaining in education.

I then had to summon up the courage to reach out and offer my support. All the usual self-doubt crept in, why did I think I would be any good at this, how would I be able to help? So I quietened the voices and made the call and goodness I am so glad that I did. After a couple of warm and reassuring phone calls, I found myself signed up for the compulsory training sessions. The journey had begun! The sessions were informative and thorough and then I was ready to go. There is great emphasis put on matching the mentee and mentor and it was a while from when I completed my training to being matched with my mentee.

I was so happy when I received the call to say that Starting Point would like to introduce me to a young person, but equally filled with self-doubt whether I would have anything to offer. But taking things a step at a time, we were invited to meet and have a chat and that is exactly what we did. I warmed to my young person immediately and was interested by what they chose to share with me on that first meeting. It is up to the young person to decide whether they continue and after a few anxious days I received the green light. We meet each week and I look forward to our time together. A lot of the time I listen because I realise that my role isn’t really to fix anything, it is just to be there and support the young person on their journey.  Everybody is different and each week is different. My young person is now signed up for a college course for September, is actively looking for part time work and talking about starting driving lessons. I am so proud of them feeling the fear but doing it anyway and can see what a wonderful future they have in store. Just taking one step at a time and giving things a go. Some of it will work and some of it may not, however if we don’t have the courage to try we will never know. A bit like me needing to take a leap of faith into my mentoring journey.

Mentoring Stories – 02

I have been volunteering as a mentor with Starting Point since the beginning of 2021 and being part of the Advance Mentoring team has been a really great experience so far. The Advance team mentor young people aged 11-19 years to help them with staying in education or deciding what to do once school is finished.

Mentoring young people is challenging but also incredibly rewarding. I support my young person through regular catch up sessions and we have spent a lot of time chatting away and getting to know each other. Watching her develop and grow in confidence has been wonderful and makes each week even more enjoyable. As our relationship grows we have been able to make plans towards the future and figure out what ambitions and goals she wants to set for herself. Discussing college routes, work experience opportunities and possible career paths helps increase her motivation and keeps her focused. I feel really proud watching my young person get excited about the future and developing a positive outlook on what adulthood may bring.

The support I have received on the Advance team is great and there are plenty of resources to help plan out sessions with my young person. I also feel mentoring has been a valuable experience for my own personal development and has also helped me to build my own confidence. There is a huge sense of achievement seeing your young person develop their social skills and boost their self esteem!

10 reasons why you should get a shelter dog

This article has been written by one of our young people from Milton Keynes.


Pros from buying from a breeder:

  1.  You can see your puppy’s parents so you know how they are going to look like as an adult dog.
  2. You know exactly what you’re getting.
  3. You have the opportunity to mould your puppy as it grows.
  4. If you’re buying from a good breeder it will already come well socialized.
  5. Breeders will offer you a genetic health test.
  6. Most breeders not only breed for conformation, but for solid temperaments. 
  7. Breeders are essential if you are planning to take your dog to the show ring.

Cons for buying from a breeder:

  1.  You’re buying a puppy. They are a lot of work just like a human baby.
  2. You are responsible for training your puppy.
  3. Breeders are usually more expensive than getting your dog from the shelter.
  4. Puppies need multiple vet checks and vaccinations during their first year of life
  5. Finding a truly reputable breeder that cares more for about the quality than quantity can be difficult.

A word about backyard breeders
Anyone can throw a male and female dog together to produce puppies. This doesn’t mean that they should. When dogs are bred without the proper knowledge of genetics, you often get unhealthy dogs with issues. Most backyard breeders don’t do any research on breeding. They just think that two dogs would pair well together and take it from there. Novice breeders are also unprepared for the amount of work required to care for puppies and the cost of vet care. They may want to watch the miracle of birth. However, once they have ten extra dogs running around making messes and chewing up the carpet, they get overwhelmed. These puppies often end up in shelters. If breeders aren’t breeding to improve the breed standard, they are just adding to the huge pet overpopulation problem.

Puppy mills
Puppy mills are commercial dog-breeding facilities where dogs are simply tools to run a business. I wouldn’t even put them into the category of “breeder.” However, it’s important to understand this awful practice in depth so you don’t unknowingly support it. It is estimated there are over 10,000 puppy mills in the US. Sadly, fewer than 3,000 are regulated by the US Department of Agriculture. This means that a lot of abuse goes unchecked. Many puppy mill owners keep their adult dogs in cramped, soiled cages standing on wire so that the urine and feces can fall through the openings. They usually deny them adequate mental stimulation and physical exercise. Many never leave their kennels except to be bred. These dogs are also not given decent veterinary care. They live truly awful lives devoid of kindness or empathy. While the puppies from these dog factories come out looking pristine by the time they reach the customer, they start life in horrible conditions. Many puppies die before they are weaned.

Often, since there is no genetic guarantee, you will find some issues that develop as the puppy gets older due to irresponsible breeding practices, such as bowed legs or hip dysplasia. The adult dogs often never escape; and may eventually be allowed to starve or are killed when they are no longer able to produce puppies to cut down on the cost of feeding them. This practice is illegal. Yet, if you look at past cases of these operations that were blown open by under-cover agents or whistleblowers, it is sadly all too common. Even if the puppy mill follows the rules, they are not required by law to treat these dogs as pets. They are only regulated – often very loosely – by the government to provide for their basic physical needs. If you take issue with dogs not being able to live with a family, but simply living their entire lives in cramped cages used as tools to create a product, then please don’t use your money to support this practice.

Sadly, most pet store puppies come from puppy mills. Please do some research on this before buying your puppy from a pet store to ensure you aren’t supporting this abusive system. If you buy dogs that are bred by people more concerned with turning a quick dollar than furthering the breed, you also contribute to that problem by rewarding the behaviour. If enough people stand up to this practice and they can no longer make a profit, they will stop this abuse. Puppy mills are a horrible place for dogs to spend their lives. We should demand better for these poor animals than simply being puppy factories for the greedy.

10 reasons why you should get a shelter dog:

1.     You save a life – this is maybe the biggest reason of all! By adopting, you’re giving a dog another chance at life. Some have terrible pasts, and have been abused, abandoned or left to fend for themselves on the streets. You are giving a dog a happy and safe home where they can learn to be a dog again!

2.     You won’t be supporting backyard breeders – many dogs are forced to breed as often as possible, and kept under cruel conditions in puppy farms. By choosing to adopt, you are avoiding these organisations and supporting animal welfare in the process.

3. You help stop pet overpopulation – by choosing to adopt rather than go to a shop or breeder for a specific type of pet, you are caring for a dog that already needs support instead of bringing another puppy into the world.

4. You might find your dream pet – with thousands of shelters, there’s bound to be one near you that might currently be home to the dog that is perfect for you and your family. After spending time at the shelter, you may fall in love with a completely different dog to the one you thought you wanted.

5. You gain the advantages of an adult dog – many dogs in shelters are adolescent or adult dogs rather than young puppies. But this means they’re likely to already know some basic commands or be housetrained, making your life a lot easier when you bring your dog home!

6. You get the lifetime support of shelter employees – no one knows more about the dog you are adopting than the people working at the shelter each day providing care and support for them. They will be able to assist you with the move and help you carry on any training or behaviour work.

7. You support a valuable community and charitable institution – it’s always good to show support and help out a local organization, and these shelters are providing a valuable service to the dogs in their care so by adopting one, you’re also helping provide for the ones left at the shelter.

8. You adopt a healthy pet – by adopting from a shelter, you can be assured that your dog has had excellent medical treatment, received any necessary vaccinations and may have even already been sterilised or microchipped, meaning it’s a perfectly healthy pet. 

9. You encourage others to do the same – people are sometimes wary of new ventures, but it only takes one of their friends to adopt a shelter dog and they’ll be assured it can go smoothly.

10. You’ll be rewarded with so much love and gratitude – many dogs up for adoption just want to find a loving home and their forever family, and are more than willing to show you bundles of love if you take the time to get to know them properly. Knowing you’ve saved a dog from an unhappy background brings eternal gratitude from your new loyal companion.